Like many, I feel shocked and saddened by this election cycle. Like many, I feel our country is becoming an unrecognizable landscape of vitriol fueled by half-baked ideals based on emotions rather than information. Emotions, however, by themselves are not bad. In fact, I would argue we need to do a much better job exploring those. Moreover, I believe that what is happening to us orbits around emotion. In my acting classes I tell my students that characters are never experiencing just one emotion. When a character is angry, they are also often disappointed, hurt, afraid, sad. Anger manifests as a defense mechanism because those emotions are scary. They portend a loss of control.
By now, it is no secret that many Americans on both sides feel lost, disenfranchised, and frustrated. Recently, I came across a Trump supporter's comments on Facebook that chided the "Liberals" for whining about the election results, and described how he would "drink the tears of his political ENEMIES." Clinton supporters are no better, taking to social media in droves to label all of Trump's supporters Fascists. While we all have a right to free speech, and I am not suggesting censoring anyone, if we continue to think about and label our fellow Americans as the "enemy" we are doomed. I think it's safe to say none of us want to be vulnerable to domestic or international terrorism, but when we spend our energy terrorizing each other, we are quite literally doing the work of our real political enemies for them. Unity is a great goal, but we cannot achieve it without acknowledging the reality that some of us have different access to resources/justice. We have to figure out a way to honor this fact, examine the reality of racism, sexism, homophobia, religious intolerance, and CLASS difference (this last is more at work in the outcome of this election than is being discussed in a meaningful way) in this country and work for a goal that values our American ideals. We share ideals as Americans. We need to remind ourselves of that, and maybe work at a more refined, inclusive mission.
Beyond this sense of horror at recognizing the demonizing going on among us, it is important to note that it is okay for those who are disappointed to grieve. Many of the folks who are celebrating victory, would be grieving as well if it had turned out differently. Belittling folks for having an emotional response to losing makes you look like a bully. And yes, people who respond in kind are also engaging. Of course, the difference is that if you feel the need to condemn someone for having an emotional reaction to this loss you are 1) forgetting that you won (celebrate so fully you don't have time to ridicule) 2) you are limiting the complexity of your thoughts and your humanity to think that people of color, the LGBTQ community, immigrants, and women don't have a legitimate reason to be very concerned, and 3) you cast yourself in the role you are denying to play. To the second point, it is cruel to tell LGBTQ folks to be glad that Trump is so supportive of them (for a conservative) when his VP has a hideous, hateful, and scientific fact-denying stance on homosexuality), or that women don't need to worry (even though Trump wants to deny them the right to make decisions for themselves regarding their own bodies). All of these groups stand to lose rights they have fought hard for. If you can't empathize in any other way, do a gut check on how fearful you would be/were (under Democrats) to lose your gun rights.
The personal is political. With the intense emotions evident on all sides, it is imperative that we search our souls for the underlying currents in our anger specifically. I am angry, but beneath that anger is a very real disappointment in what seems to be a move backward in social justice movements. I am sad that people I love and respect have shut me out because I don't share all of their values, and disappointed that they don't take the time to see, or appreciate, the values I DO share. I am hurt that even though I try to show respect for their beliefs by not making hateful comments when I don't share those beliefs they don't return the favor. I am distraught over the racism in our country and even more distraught by those who would deny it. I am infuriated by people I know who I have heard spout racist and sexist and homophobic and Islamaphobic ideals and claim they are not any of those things. As a sexual assault survivor, I feel literally terrorized by a Trump presidency, and I feel enraged by anyone who is not a victim or a survivor making a joke out of that terror. I am not suggesting Trump himself will abuse me, but the fact that he won so many votes after all of the evidence that he sees women as things if they're attractive and animals if they're not, tells me many of my fellow Americans don't think there's anything wrong with that vision. Finally (though this is not my entire list), I am gut-wrenchingly concerned for my son, who is gay, and my daughter, who has a female body, and their futures as free, safe Americans enjoying equality, especially in light of a conservative Supreme Court.
Working class America feels disrespected by the "liberal elite" and ignored by the Obama administration. Liberals feel gains in social reform are being pushed back. What is at the heart of it all is a sense that we've lost control. It's okay to be angry, but unless we acknowledge the truths, disappointment and anxieties resting below the surface of that anger we really will make serious enemies out of each other. It's time to start making amends instead. For example, It does not diminish your place in line to acknowledge the scourge of slavery and racism in our history, nor does it make you a racist to feel for the plight of the white working class. Empathy is the key to healing, but you can't turn it until you wade through your emotions searching for what's holding you back from moving forward.
America's heart is big. It has room for difference, and that difference doesn't have to make us enemies. For everyone who's hurting, practice good self-care. For everyone who is celebrating, congratulations, but remember that you can practice good other care AND enjoy your victory. A victory over your peers (not enemies).
